Season One, Episode 6: Amends

Updated: May 22


What can our heroes save before everything falls apart?


***The Ordinary Epic contains depictions of fantasy violence, including combat, mortal harm, and bodily injury as well as some cursing and adult themes. Listener and reader discretion is advised.***



TRANSCRIPT


JORDAN STILLMAN

The Ordinary Epic contains depictions of fantasy violence, including combat, mortal harm, and bodily injury, as well as some cursing and adult themes. Listener discretion is advised.


ATHENA

The Ordinary Epic, Season One, Episode 6: Amends.


EMO

Hey, Athena... how was your week...?


ATHENA

It was okay, Emo; thanks for asking.


MARCUS

...See any good movies... or TV—?


ATHENA

Not really.


MARCUS

That’s cool...


ATHENA

Is everyone ready?


DANIEL

Yes, but... (awkward sound)


EMO

We’re really sorry about last week.


ATHENA

Don’t worry about that now.


DOMINIC

Do you still want this to be our last...?


ATHENA

Cell phones silenced?


MARCUS

I left mine at home this time...


EMO

How can we change your—?


ATHENA

Emo, everyone—that’s enough. We’re just going to enjoy tonight. Okay?


EMO/MARCUS/DOMINIC/DANIEL

(various resigned responses)


ATHENA

Everyone ready now?


EMO

I guess...


ATHENA

Okay.


MUSIC CUE: Tense, anticipatory music that builds straight into the main theme


ATHENA (cont.)

The next morning, while making preparations to leave from your extended stay at the Tipsy Troglodyte, you learn that the unthinkable has occurred...


SFX: Ambiance of upstairs bedroom at a tavern, morning


SFX: Benedict runs in, door slams open


BENEDICT

Everyone, uh...! I have some really bad news.


CAELUS

Oh, no—you’re a fundamentalist zealot again.


MERRICK

What happened, Benedict?


BENEDICT

The Godstaff pieces... they’re—


CAELUS

You lost them?


MERRICK

Stolen.


BENEDICT

Yeah...


THACK

That not good.


CAELUS

It’s a bit worse than “not good,” I’m afraid—it’s very, very bad.


MERRICK

How bad?


CAELUS

These pieces were hidden away from each other in the far corners of the world for good reason—the Godstaff’s power, when completely assembled, would be much greater than the sum of its individual parts.


THACK

More bloody battle, more glory. Thack not mind.


CAELUS

A completed Godstaff could spell disaster on a scale we cannot fathom and could not possibly stop, Thack. If we can’t prevent the pieces from joining together... then, my friends... I fear this could be the end.


THACK

Pointy ears say “friend”—Thack worried now.


BENEDICT

But... only if they fall into the wrong hands, right?


MERRICK

Whose hands do you think have them now...?


BENEDICT

...Right. Right. What are we going to do.


MUSIC: The Ordinary Epic opening theme.


SFX: Same ambiance as before


MERRICK

Let’s review what we know. Benedict, you told us that story about how the original Godstaff was shattered.


CAELUS

I believe you’ll find that I told that story. Benedict filled in the pointless mythical bits.


BENEDICT

I may not have the connection to Godwin that I once did, Caelus, but I still don’t appreciate this kind of blasphemy.


CAELUS

Ugh.


MERRICK

And they did this because—...?


BENEDICT

Torak the Betrayer shattered it, after a great conflict that nearly destroyed this world. We’ve seen what just two of the individual pieces can do. Imagine what the entire Godstaff must be capable of.


THACK

Anything...


BENEDICT

Yeah, see, that doesn’t sound as exciting to me as it does to you.


THACK

Sound like very big violence, that all. Sound fun.


BENEDICT

Not violence in the sense you’re thinking, Thack.


MERRICK

More like... “kaboom” we’re all dead?


BENEDICT

“Kaboom” everyone and everything is dead, all at once.


THACK

Hmph. That less fun.


CAELUS

That’s a bit of an oversimplification, but yes, that is one possibility of many, few of them good.


MERRICK

Did your mentor say anything in that message that could help us?


CAELUS

She does love to speak, but what she says is rarely of use.


MERRICK

Anything at all.


CAELUS

Most of what she wrote I already knew—her specialty, I’ll add—and intimated that in the hands of someone who knows what they’re doing and doesn’t care about the consequences, the individual pieces are almost as powerful, and dangerous, as the Godstaff itself.


BENEDICT

That’s reassuring...


MERRICK

But they only have two pieces, right? How are two pieces nearly as dangerous as the whole?


CAELUS

The Archon Maerwynn did not deign to specify.


MERRICK

Then we’ll have to speak with her, learn more about what we’re up against.


CAELUS

I’m surprised at you, Merrick. This really seems like the sort of thing you’d advocate running

from.


MERRICK

Yeah, well, running in this case wouldn’t be of much use, would it?


BENEDICT

Plus you promised to help me protect the pieces and keep them out of the wrong hands...


MERRICK

Right, that too. Yes, of-of course.


THACK

Too much talk. Time go, track Buyer, cut off head. Maybe stab few times first.


MERRICK

There will be time for that, Thack. But first...


CAELUS

Yes, well, unfortunately the Archon’s tower is a week’s journey from here. We’ll simply have to seek our privileged information elsewhere.


MERRICK

Did they also steal your talkstone?


CAELUS

...No.


BENEDICT

“Talk stone”?


MERRICK

A device that allows for quick communication between one stone and another, even miles away.


BENEDICT

Clearly I’m missing something, because we spent three days waiting at this dingy tavern for a messenger to arrive, when all this time Caelus could have just—


CAELUS

No one writes anymore! Someone has to keep these charming traditions ali—


MERRICK

He hates speaking with her.


CAELUS

I really detest it.


BENEDICT

For the love of—Then I’ll do it!


CAELUS

No! I will...


SFX: Reaching into a pouch and pulling out an object


SFX: A magical “calling” sound


CAELUS (cont.)

I hope you all appreciate this.


BENEDICT

Would have appreciated it a lot more three days ag—


SFX: “Calling” sound terminates


CAELUS

Sh!


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Why if it isn’t my wayward apprentice, returning to me yet again, but only because he needs something. You received my note, I trust?


CAELUS

Yes, Archon.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Oh, lovely. I’m pleasantly surprised that I won’t have to repeat myself for once.


BENEDICT

I can’t hear her. What’s she saying?


MERRICK

Only Caelus can.


BENEDICT

Ask her—


CAELUS

Silence!


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) I beg your pardon.


CAELUS

Not you, Archon. I’m... presently surrounded by babbling idiots.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Hm. Well you always have kept like company.


CAELUS

(a long sigh of frustration)


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Why have you called, apprentice?


CAELUS

My “like company” and I had possession of two of the Godstaff pieces—


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) “Had”?


CAELUS

...Yes.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) You mean that you lost them?!


CAELUS

They were taken from us.


MUSIC CUE: Light touch, underscoring the stakes and emotion


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) I was given to understand that your need of my expertise was academic in nature, though as you never were much of a student, I should have surmised that something was amiss...


CAELUS

We had it under control.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Yes! Clearly.


CAELUS

Revered Archon, we need to know about the specific dangers that just two of these Godstaff pieces could pose.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) You should have come to me the moment you acquired even one of them. In theory, just one Godstaff piece could be used in one of the thirteen named forbidden rituals to channel the power of a god. But two...


CAELUS

Archon...?


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Two of them might be able to summon a god itself, the consequences of which would likely spell the end of most life on this world. Tell me at least that you lost them to someone who knows not their power.


CAELUS

I... wish that I could.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Then the end is truly upon us. That is a great pity. I rather liked this world...


CAELUS

There is still a chance. We know at least where they’ve likely been taken.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Yes... I suppose we must try. I will contact the Circle to see what of this power we can prevent, if anything. Unfortunately for us, however, we are too far away and acting far too late—it falls on you to stop this.


CAELUS

I’ll have help.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) You’ll need it. Farewell, apprentice. I regret that I could not have taught you more, despite your many shortcomings.


MUSIC CUE: Music ends


CAELUS

I’m quite content with the small amount I was somehow able to glean, Archon, despite your great arrogance. Farewell.


MAERWYNN

(distorted, echoey) Wh—


SFX: Talkstone effect cuts out; Caelus forcefully returns the talkstone to his pouch


CAELUS

Pompous old lich.


MERRICK

Sounds like that went well...


BENEDICT

What did she say?


CAELUS

That this is potentially far worse than we thought. A completed Godstaff isn’t our only concern—the individual pieces could also be used in a dark ritual of some kind to—


MERRICK

—to “cheat” the power of a god?


CAELUS

Yes, or in this case even summon a god itself. How would you know...?


THACK

That how pretty boy bring pointy ears back.


CAELUS

(sound of surprise)