TRANSCRIPT

SFX: Escalating music
 
ATHENA
The buyer awaits your decision, poised as one both ready for a
fight and assured of its outcome.
 
BUYER
I’ll have that relic now.
 
THACK
Thack hope pretty boy have more healing. We gonna need it.
 
MERRICK
You guys might. One of you dies and I’m running for it. So don’t.
 
CAELUS
We’ll have to use every advantage, and we’ve not many left.
 
MARCUS
So I’m confused. What am I supposed to say to him?
 
SFX: Music abruptly stops
 
EMO
Marcus, it’s a role-playing game.
 
MARCUS
Right.
 
EMO
So you’re this holy guy: Benedict.
 
MARCUS
Right.
 
EMO
And he’s just joined this adventuring party.
 
MARCUS
Right. (quick beat) Why...?
 
DOMINIC
Because we needed someone to heal us and not ask questions.
 
EMO
Dom!
 
DOMINIC
What!
 
DANIEL
(earnest) Any reason you want, Marcus. That’s the great thing
about this game—you can be anyone you want. Do anything
you want, for any reason, so long as it’s true to your character.
 
MARCUS
Cool. I totally got this.
 
DOMINIC
(growing alarm) Wait, but—
 
SFX: Music resumes
 
BENEDICT
This artifact belongs to my church, and as such, I cannot part 
with it for any price. 
 
SFX: Many people drawing weapons.
 
BENEDICT
...Uh. What did I say?
 
BUYER
Kill them all!
 
SFX: Battle sounds crash into start of main theme
 
JORDAN STILLMAN

The Ordinary Epic: a podcast series about the extraordinary, the ordinary, and something in between. Listen now at theordinaryepic.com.